and I am You. The source of our pain might be different, but our hearts ache. The missing is real, your feelings are real, your pain is real. I hear you, I hear you when you speak and I hear you when you are quiet and within yourself. I see you, I see you pull back when the conversation gets too … [Read more...]
Relationships
My father called today. He said it has been a month since we have spoken. He asked about my health, and I get surprised when he does that because there is nothing wrong with my physical health. He uses the specific vocabulary as if referring to my physical well being, but actually asking about my … [Read more...]
Love Letter
I am a letter writer. From the first letter I wrote to my first pen friend many years ago, I was a letter writer. I wrote countless letters throughout teenage years and continued to do so far in my 20s, exchanging letters with friends, family, teachers, lovers. I feel like everything I wrote since … [Read more...]
His Name
I guess I chose his name at the time he died. Not at the very moment, even though the moment he died plays in my head over and over... my body let me know, I just was not ready to listen, so my body decided to ignore it too... for a while I lived a happy life with a dead baby inside, with all the … [Read more...]
Beginnings
These are my thoughts from the early days. There are parts I didn't think I was ever going to talk about. Parts I felt I needed to hide, because of shame and fear. Grief morphs all the time and what all this change has done for me is that I am open and able to share my whole story as it is. There is … [Read more...]