There are so many things that I don’t remember. I don’t remember how it felt before grief took over; how relationships and life in general influenced my emotional and mental state then. Was I always happy and content? Was my mind not as occupied? I honestly don’t remember. It is probably more … [Read more...]
A Different Kind of Place
I was reflecting on the lunch meeting I had on Monday. A fellow bereaved mother sat across from me and we seemingly interacted like everyone around us. But were we really? The place was crowded and the tables were close together, the sound of chatter filled the space, word exchanges, gestures, … [Read more...]
The Inbetween
He was missing. He was missing way before. Way before he became. His place was with us before I was facing secondary infertility and he just did not happen, his place was with us before we moved countries, his place was with us even when we held our first newborn son while mourning my husband’s … [Read more...]
The Day I Left Him Behind
The memory of that day is still very present for me. The day that I held it together while I was falling apart. The day that has so much meaning, but I wish it did not exist. The day that was so full but left me going home empty handed. That day that started it all, this process, this work, this … [Read more...]
Connection
If you are like me, you look for things that you associate with your child. Symbols, objects, anything that closes the gap between here and there just a little. First, I had a painting made. I had a vision of a fun loving boy riding on a shooting star in the sky above me. He was always going to be … [Read more...]