Some people have asked me “Why shall I do grief work? Why revisit the pain?”
You might have heard me talk about why the statement ‘Time does heal all wounds’ does not apply to grief. Time can heal a scratch or a bruise but that’s not what loss and trauma does to you. Loss leaves a hole, a seemingly irreparable huge hole.
Let me draw you a picture: When you have a hole in your tyre and are stranded at the side of the highway, no time spent waiting in your car will repair the hole.
What will make a change depends on the actions you are willing to take. In this case you either call someone who can help you or, if you have that skill, you get out of your car and change the tyre.
Time does not heal your grief. What heals your grief are the actions you take.
Some might argue: “Nothing can possibly heal my grief.”
What is or isn’t possible with your grief, is your choice.
What I have come to realise for myself is that the fact that my daughter has died (=the loss) will never change. It’s a fact. The grief, or grieving, however is a process and has already changed significantly for me in the years since her loss. I still miss her. I still long for her. I’m still sad sometimes. This however is ‘healed grief’, it is the experience where I have integrated her loss into my life.
To come to this place has taken significant amount of time spend with grief work. Grief-work is the psychological process of coping with a significant loss. Grief work includes, for example, taking part in May We All Heal. (I will write more about ‘What (else) is Grief-work?’ another time.)
Integration means being emotionally up-to-date.
That’s what we are working towards in May We All Heal.
Are you joining us?
If you like, you can get the companion book for the event here.
Image Source: Nathalie Himmelrich Instagram
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