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while ago I had a conversation with a 30 year old woman. She told me her mother lost 2 children around/on Christmas, before she was born. One was a baby, born prematurely and the other was her brother, 8 years old at the time, who died from a lung infection.
She was the rainbow baby, born about 15 months after her brother’s death.
She remembers that Christmas was never fun. Her mother and father both stayed in their rooms and she felt alone. Now, as an adult, she hates Christmas and has worked for years to not be severely depressed around Christmas.
She also mentioned that she does not have much of a relationship with her mother, all she remembers was being compared to her brother who – in memory – was always ‘more behaved’, ‘less wild’, ‘easier’ etc.
What an interesting account of an adult rainbow child, obviously affected by her parent’s way of dealing with their grief.
What does this mean to you?
How would you like your rainbow children or other siblings remember you as a parent?
Are you able to find a healthy balance between grieving and parenting your other children?
Share, if you wish, in the comments.
Image Source: Nathalie Himmelrich
I never thought of myself as anything special until reading this article, but I was a rainbow baby, having been born, 16 months after my mother lost my older sister during labor and delivery. My mother never compared me and I never remember any feelings of not being enough or not adding up. If anything, I was celebrated because I survived! I definitely feel that parents can push past the pain of loss and joyfully raise their rainbow babies to follow. Blessings to all you moms out there waiting for your rainbow!
Thank you for your words, Charity.
Yes, it is possible and I hope that many parents will want to life that possibility.
Much Love, Nathalie
I have never thought about it until I read this article. But I AM a “RAINBOW BABY”. I had a sister that was Still Born before me. Also one that was Miscarried After me. And I am the MIDDLE CHILD of 5 girls. And at he age of 57 I still feel that I don’t Fit In. ……. Now it makes me think about my lot in life .
Dear Vickie,
What a realisation! This can be a beautiful starting point to find YOUR place, to fit it where you would like to be. I’m here to help if you need me.
Much Love, Nathalie