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New Year – New Grief

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Image by Nathalie Himmelrich

New Year – Welcome on the other side. Take a breath. You survived the holidays.

As much as I love part of the holiday spirit and the coming of a New Year, I often encounter myself in a quiet, unsociable mood and end up spending – at least some part of it – by myself. This is how I re-energise and re-calibrate for whatever newness might come with the New Year.
How about you? How do you manage to cope in those days?

2017 in Review

I realise that – as usual – I filled my plate with a big project, the community-written book Surviving My First Year After Child Loss which was published in September 2017, followed by the German version Das erste Jahr nach dem Verlust meines Kindes überleben (still available on pre-sale special price for a limited time!)
Looking back I’ve already started much better: this time last year I was heading to the hospital with pneumonia. Personally, last year was a really challenging year for me health wise and it seems it can only get better.

Grieving in healthy ways for me means not to look for ways ‘to get over it’ or ‘through it’ as a way to get it done. It is about finding ways to be curious about what is stirring in my heart and integrating not just the memory, but my ever unfolding experience into my life. In this light, dear healthy griever, here some Year 2017 Review Questions for you:

1. What have you learnt about yourself and grief/grieving?
2. What has changed since the loss of your child? Hint: make it specific and look both for negative and positive things (for example I no longer take life for granted.)
3. What are you ready to let go?
4. How do you want to be with your grief in 2018?

Looking Forward

What do you want to bring forward into this New Year?
Setting an intention can be powerful. Author Lynn McTaggart* has found that for something to occur it is 300.000 times more likely when one has set an intention.

See them not as hard and fast rules or goals like those you would set in your business, but rather guiding principle to strive by, to remind yourself regularly that you’re ok the way you are.

Inspiration Needed?

Here some of mine for your inspiration. You may pick and choose from any that feel right for you:

I dare to be brave enough to meet my own vulnerability and
sit with the pain without moving to hide it, fade it or fix it.

I will remain authentic in my expression of the longing for my child
at the same time as finding and experiencing joy without feeling guilty.

I will remain true to myself at the risk of disappointing another
and look after myself in whatever way needed.

I will be curious about what is stirring my (grieving) heart
and integrating not just the memory, but my ever unfolding experience into my life.

 

With that, I wish you a blessed, gentle and healthy ✨ New Year – May you be exactly where you need to be in 2018.

Much💗 Love.
Nathalie

* Can be found in the books by Lynn McTaggart: The Field and The Intention Experiment

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New Year – New Grief

By Leave a Comment

Welcome on the other side. Take a breath. You survived the holidays.

But: How do you start a New Year following loss?

All the ‘happy this’ and ‘merry that’ which follows you around with the holidays seem empty and hollow following loss. Nothing is happy nor merry.

The first time, 4 months after the death of my daughter those days passed me in a blur.

Today, 6 years later and as much as I love part of the holiday spirit, I often encounter myself in a quiet, unsociable mood and end up spending – at least some part of the days around Christmas and New Year – by myself. This is how I re-energise and re-calibrate for whatever newness might come with the New Year. Or sometimes I simply sit on the couch and wait for inspiration to come.

As a healthy griever, we know that it’s not about ‘getting over’ or ‘through’ grief in order to get rid of it or tick it off the to do list. We want to become interested in it and learn from what we’ve gone through and how far we’ve come. So, take a moment, pull out your notebook and favorite pen and let me guide you to set healthy griever’s intentions for the New Year.

Here some Year 2017 Review Questions for you:

1. What have you learnt about yourself and grief/grieving in the last year?
2. What has changed since the loss of your child? Hint: take stock, be specific, find the negative as well as the positive (a personal example for me is: I no longer take life for granted.)
3. What are you ready to let go?
4. How do you want to be with your grief in 2018?

Do you have any intentions you want to set yourself?
These don’t have to be hard and fast, set in stone kind of goals, like you would in your business. I see them more as guiding principles.

Here are mine for inspiration

I will be aware of my sadness
and make room for it as fits
I will heal in my own time
and sit with my pain without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it

I will remain authentic in my expression of the longing for my child
at the same time as finding and feeling joy without feeling guilty
I will keep the memory of my child alive
and invite you to speak her name

I will look after myself
in whatever way needed
and remember to do less, be more.

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