Mother’s Day is celebrated in many countries around the world on different days throughout the year. Most countries – the number comes up to 128 – celebrate it in May, followed by the month of March with 48 countries. Check out here when Mother’s Day is in your country.
Mother’s Day is likely to be full of triggers for bereaved mothers. Let’s see why and how we can handle them.
1. It’s in our face
We are forced by commercials to look at Mother’s Day and somehow include it in our lives if we want to or not. If you’re part of a culture that celebrates this day, there is no chance to run away from it.
How to deal with this?
We need to be prepared for this inevitable fact. Think about how you deal with it that is best for you with how you currently feel about your loss.
2. Your history dictates
All of us are daughters and sons. If Mother’s Day was part of our family’s celebration, we have some kind of predisposed expectations on what this day should look and feel like.
How to deal with this?
We need to find out what Mother’s Day means to us personally. This is not your Mother’s Mother’s Day, this is YOUR Mother’s Day. Find out what it is that YOU need right now.
3. Your personal situation
Your personal situation will greatly shape your experience.
Are you going into this year’s Mother’s Day with a partner or as a single parent? Do you have other children? Or would it be your very first Mother’s Day if your baby had not died? Do you have expectations of your family of origin to deal with, expectations of your own mother?
Do you feel like you want to celebrate it because you feel like showing yourself and others that you are a mother despite of your baby’s death? Or do you feel like not celebrating because it hurts you so much to have to spend this special day without your beloved child?
How to deal with this?
Find out what fits best for you on this day! Plan, at the same time, make space for the unexpected to happen. If you need to attend to a family gathering that might be challenging, plan an exit strategy.
4. Your family
Include your family/your partner or even your best friend in your thoughts and feelings about this day. If you have living children, they might have some ideas on how to memorialize their sibling and celebrate you as their mother. Create your personal day together with them or on your own, depending on what you need.
How to deal with this?
Think about this: Do you want to be alone or with family or friends?
If you have company, you don’t need to spend the day alone and there will be always someone to hold you when you have a tough moment.
Plan the day for yourself with the decisions you made on the questions above. Sit down and create this day for yourself. Be active and take responsibility for making this Mother’s Day a day that suits you. And Yes, you might cry on this day and there might be times of grief on this day. But that is ok and has its place.
Please share your thoughts and questions in the comments or follow the discussion in the May We All Heal peer support group here on Facebook.
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