I
Friends and Strangers
lost ‘a friend’ last night, on Facebook.
It wasn’t a close friend.
And it wasn’t death that separated us.
She ‘de-friended’ me.
I do not feel sad at all, just curious.
It reminded me of many bereaved parents’ comments: “My friends disappeared…” or “they just don’t come around anymore”.
Frankly, I think they are in their right. As much as anyone, we, the bereaved and they, in the supporting role, we all need to be true to our selves. Whether that is to continue grieving until all your friends had enough or whether it is disconnecting (as a friend or supporter) because it’s too much – both is right.
If it is honestly what you need, then you should be true to your needs.
My recommendations to a supporter:
If the bereaved parent is a good friend of yours, tell them that you need some space and time. Let them know that you will return. If you’re planning to do so.
(Find other resources for supporters here)
It’s not us, the bereaved, against them, the supporters, friend, family or no longer friends. It can only be a ‘us’ which is inclusive. Because the truth is: Grief will be your experience sooner or later, whether you want it or not.
Everyone will understand the experience of grief in the end.
Not that they will experience it as you do.
No one will experience it as you do.
Because there is only one YOU.
And YOUR experience is YOURS ONLY.
So I bid ‘my friend’ farewell.
I’ve chosen the friends I want to be around. My crafting group is part of it because they let me be me. They don’t ask hurtful, intrusive questions…they are just there for me. I don’t allow myself to be in situations where I’m likely to be asked these painful questions, but I do have a friend who keeps trying to push me into these social settings. Because of her pushing, I’ve become more reclusive. I’d rather associate with those who may or may not understand me but they accept me.
Good to have the friends who you feel comfortable with. Thank you for your comment, Liz <3