Grieving Parents Support Network

Find ways for healthy grieving

  • Start Here
    • Welcome, Friend
    • Legal Disclaimer
    • Meet the Founder Nathalie Himmelrich
  • Grief Support
    • Need Grief Support?
    • Peer Support
    • Resources
      • Grief Support Books
    • Supporting Yourself
    • Honouring Your Child
      • Donating a CuddleCot
      • Charity Work
    • Being Supportive
  • Donate
    • Our Charity
    • Make a Charity Donation
    • Our Donors
    • Donate Books
      • Memory Packages
      • Order book packages
  • Books for Grieving Parents
    • GPSN Resource Books
    • Surviving My First Year of Child Loss
      • Surviving My First Year of Child Loss | Book
      • Surviving My First Year of Child Loss | Contributors
      • Donate to the Not-for-Profit Project
    • Das erste Jahr nach dem Verlust meines Kindes überleben | Book
    • Grieving Parents | Book
      • Praise for Grieving Parents
    • Trauernde Eltern | Book
    • May We All Heal Playbook
    • Purchase Books
      • Bulk Order Discounts
      • Order book packages
      • Donate Books
    • Reviews
  • Projects & Events
    • Bridging the Grief Gap
    • May We All Heal
      • May We All Heal 2022 – A New Beginning
      • Share Your Story
    • Advent Calendar
      • Advent Calendar Giveaway Event
      • Advent Calendar Gifts
      • Giveaway Terms and Conditions
    • PAIL — Pregnancy and Infant Loss
    • Grief Reflections
      • Discussions Archive
      • The Hosts – Carly and Nathalie
      • 10 Things About You {Grief Aside}
      • GR Disclaimer
  • Blog
    • Share Your Story
    • Contributors
  • Free Updates
  • enEnglish

10 Things About the First Year of Grief

August 18, 2014 By Nathalie Himmelrich Leave a Comment

TGriefQuotehe first year marks the first time you experience and do everything without the person you have lost. Traditionally, society believed that it gets easier after the first year. Some still believe this nowadays. The truth is that the challenging time post-loss is as individual as the bereaved themselves. Trust in your own time-line processing grief.

1. Shock and numbness

The very first phase of grief will most likely be spent in numbness from the shock. This is a protective way for the body to help you cope with the intensity.

2. Surviving

Living through the first phase of grief may not seem survivable. It may even seem as no relief to know other bereaved have walked this path before. It is survivable and it takes time and energy.

3. It is so painful

Just today I have been reminded of how to deal with pain. Experiencing physical pain today, I stayed in bed all day. Three different kinds of painkillers didn’t change the physical pain I felt. All that was possible was to lie in bed, clutch a hot water bottle and breathe, slipping between lying awake and drowsy sleeping. Similar to this I remember the physical experience of grief.

4. Conserving energy

Three years post my loss; I still notice the need to conserve my energy. In the first year, I remember not being able to go out for anything else than the absolute necessary. It took me quite some time to engage in social activities again, let alone enjoy them. Take your time.

5. Accept help and find support

In my case, there was no choice but to accept the help that was generously offered. Friends brought meals, organized paper work, helped with errands. Let them help you, it also makes them feel that they at least can do something for you.

Also, find the most suitable support for you, whether that is group counseling, one-on-one therapy, talking to other bereaved parents in the community or talking to a friend. Most importantly, according to the suggestions of grieving parents in a survey, do it earlier than later.

6. The first year is the hardest

In my case, the first 18 to 24 months were rough. The time frame where grief is intense varies from person to person. Your time might be shorter or longer. It doesn’t matter, it’s no contest.

7. It’s been a year

It is a myth that some people still believe that after a year the bereaved should be over the worst. Every bereaved person grieves differently, every lost person held a different place in people’s heart. Allow yourself your own time.

8. Friendships will change

Friends become strangers and strangers become friends. Dealing with loss brings up everyone’s own mortality and existential questions. This can be deeply unnerving. Some people will not be able to cope with this or believe ‘you need time’. Remember their intention is mostly well meaning.

9. Be true to yourself

… even if this means disappointing another. The first year of grief uses a lot of vital energy. It has required me to focus on the essential and be true to my needs, more than I ever was before.

10. Crying is healthy

Crying is a way to release emotional stress. This is why babies and children do this a lot. As adults we have un-learned the benefit of taking time for yourself and releasing the pent-up emotional stress. Research has shown that tears vary in their composition. Tears from grief are healing.

Anything else you find important to mention about the first year of grief? Leave a comment below.

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest

Related

Comments

comments

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

8 − 7 =

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Join to receive a free 33-steps support guide.

    We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.
    Built with ConvertKit

    Hi There, I’m Nathalie…

    I'm the founder of the Grieving Parents Support Network (GPSN), the May We All Heal peer support group. I'm also the author of numerous grief resource books. As a psychotherapist, I work mainly in the area of grief recovery. You can also find me here @NathalieHimmelrich Read More…

    • Start Here
    • Order book packages
    • Donate
    • Donate Books
    • Privacy Policy

    Copyright Nathalie Himmelrich © 2023 · Log in

    We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. However you may visit Cookie Settings to provide a controlled consent.
    Cookie settingsACCEPT
    Manage consent

    Privacy Overview

    This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
    Necessary
    Always Enabled
    Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
    CookieDurationDescription
    cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
    cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional11 monthsThe cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
    cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
    cookielawinfo-checkbox-others11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
    cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
    viewed_cookie_policy11 monthsThe cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
    Functional
    Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
    Performance
    Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
    Analytics
    Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
    Advertisement
    Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
    Others
    Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet.
    Save & Accept
     

    Loading Comments...