I guess I chose his name at the time he died. Not at the very moment, even though the moment he died plays in my head over and over... my body let me know, I just was not ready to listen, so my body decided to ignore it too... for a while I lived a happy life with a dead baby inside, with all the … [Read more...]
Lesson 3: I’ll Never Be Who I Used To Be
I’ll Never Be Who I Used To Be It took me years to realize I wasn't just grieving the loss of my sweet girls, but the loss of my 'before' self. I'll admit I tried very hard for a long time to get my old self back. I missed her and didn't want to lose her too. The first step for me was to make peace … [Read more...]
Beginnings
These are my thoughts from the early days. There are parts I didn't think I was ever going to talk about. Parts I felt I needed to hide, because of shame and fear. Grief morphs all the time and what all this change has done for me is that I am open and able to share my whole story as it is. There is … [Read more...]
Lesson 2: True Friends Will Show Themselves
True Friends Will Show Themselves Soul crushing, incurable tragedy scares people. It takes a brave person to run toward a grieving mother instead of away from her. I was surprised when the people I thought would stay by my side didn't and others showed up I never imagined would. It hurt at first, … [Read more...]
Lesson 1: Borrowing Hope
In the early years of my grief, I learned to borrow hope. That means, when I just couldn't see how life would ever be ok again, I looked for others who had been through loss and were now role models of hope and healing. I borrowed from people who had gone before me. I poured over their books, blogs, … [Read more...]