May We All Heal has been a very big part of my journey since Tapio died. It has been a month to reflect, a month to take time to focus on my journey as a bereaved mother and a month to write on a daily basis. Some days I have more words to share than on others.
Today is Mother’s day in Finland. This has been a hard day for me since one of my children is not with me.
This is my take on today’s prompt.
Understanding
The last few days have been heavy. I have been moody and probably irrational on many occasions. I think I hit a wall this morning.
I was actively avoiding mother’s day since Tapio died. I have been away and somehow disconnected all the years. The school projects usually reminded me that it was approaching, the social media mother kind of focused. Today is mother’s day in Finland, the place of our choosing, it is not mother’s day in Slovenia – the place we are from and this is just a part of my confusion. The children ended up staying and leaving to spend time with their dad after breakfast today. As much as we have enjoyed Friday and Saturday together today was just hard. And it was hard because there was no avoiding mother’s day, it was hard because they were leaving and another child was staying, it was hard because this is the first time we are in our home without them in this setting, their room occupied by one.
I struggle with this focus on mothers one day a year, I struggle because I am a mother other days in the year too, I love and do my best every day of the year.
As my anxiety is slowly lifting, I am finding understanding for myself today, just like I have been receiving it all day within my home, from people that have learned to love me with all the things that came “after”, from people who never knew me before – just because.
And for the first time today I am mothering myself too.
With Love, Tina
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