As my day turns into next…
I was supposed to be all covered in flour. Mixing bowls on the counter, choosing how to decorate a cake – an animal theme. Two candles ready…an eager boy ready to blow. Wishes for a firetruck, a farm – filled when you opened your presents. Excitement, laughter, kisses.
Instead of gifting you, little man, let me tell you how you gifted me in the time you have been gone.
You have given me the gift of sight to see brighter and wider, to see beyond the physical, beyond the visible, to see what I would never see before, to see you in everything I do.
You have expanded my heart in ways I never thought possible.
Your absence has filled my life with the most amazing people, who know how it is to miss, but also know what it means to love and hurt at the same time. People who have helped me see the beauty when all I could see was darkness. Who love us and let us love them.
WYou have opened this door to a world I never wanted to enter, a world I never want to leave. A world full of possibilities, new beginnings, honesty.
Without you, I finally know who I really am as a person, as Your mami. I never wished for it this way, but I will always be grateful for the gift you are.I hope you know how much I love you and how I long to see you grow in front of me. I wish I could watch you blow your second candle.
I miss you so much. Words will never be enough to explain…I love you, always.
P.S. And… this weeping willow reminded me of you.
With Love, Tina