Introduction of the book ‘Grieving Parents – Surviving Loss as a Couple’
Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy – the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.
This truly is the book that you are looking for when you’re experiencing the loss after your unborn baby, infant, toddler, child, teen or child at any age that has passed away. This book is not about one story of loss or one grief therapy approach. This book contains exactly what grieving couples have asked for: what they wanted to know in exactly your situation; what they have mentioned and pointed out they would need or would have needed in that horrendous time of loss.
Books written by bereaved parents often follow the formula: “My life was beautiful, then my child or baby died and then my life was never the same again. I had to write a book about it.” These books are usually self-therapy, rather than a way to help others.
Books by therapists often talk about their work from a theoretical basis that lacks personal experience. They discuss people who experience complicated or chronic grief as opposed to encouraging the resilience that lies within each and every one of us.
I have experienced the loss of a child and I am a grief therapist, but this book is not a memoir about my loss. Neither is it just a book written from the perspective of a therapist having worked with countless clients experiencing loss. There are plenty of books out there, if you are looking for one of those.
This book focuses on the effect parental bereavement has on the parents and their relationship. It is about surviving loss as a couple and the re-emerging from grief into a life of joy and melancholy, laughter and tears, happiness and sadness. Not either/or but BOTH/AND.
If you are looking for a book to give to your husband or wife, because either “he is not really grieving” or “she is too emotional”, this is not it. If you are searching for a book which will save your rocky marriage you will not find all the answers in this book. This book will, however, teach you understanding and acceptance of the grieving process each and everyone choses. In a relationship, each partner is equally responsible to take part in sailing the ship together. If you like this book, feel free to tell your partner about it, but refrain from saying: “You must read this book!” because, as we know, this often leads to the opposite.
Whether your marriage will survive the process of grieving will not be determined by reading this book. Surviving Loss as a Couple is about how you can re-emerge from this crazy ride through the darkness of grief with renewed depth and understanding with your partner. Your relationship can and will be affected and this book provides ways to support yourself and each other through the process. This book is based on bereaved parents’ needs, challenges and what they said has helped them, based on a worldwide survey I have conducted. It contains detailed descriptions of what has helped eighteen individuals and couples that I have interviewed, couples in varying situations and at different stages of their journey with grief.
Click here for details on the people interviewed for this book.