Some days I need to make a balance sheet. Draw a line. Do a recap in order to see where I am and what I have achieved in the last 3,5 years since I have lost my son.It's interesting, how the count starts then. Of course there are things that have been ongoing for a longer period of time, but his … [Read more...]
Captured Moments
Moments, captured, kept, protected. I always liked taking pictures but didn’t really take many. About 10 months after Tapio died, I learned that taking pictures eases my anxiety, so this is one of my go to activities on those days. I go out and take photos intentionally when I need a relief and … [Read more...]
His ~Magic~
There are so many things that I don’t remember. I don’t remember how it felt before grief took over; how relationships and life in general influenced my emotional and mental state then. Was I always happy and content? Was my mind not as occupied? I honestly don’t remember. It is probably more … [Read more...]
A Different Kind of Place
I was reflecting on the lunch meeting I had on Monday. A fellow bereaved mother sat across from me and we seemingly interacted like everyone around us. But were we really? The place was crowded and the tables were close together, the sound of chatter filled the space, word exchanges, gestures, … [Read more...]
The Inbetween
He was missing. He was missing way before. Way before he became. His place was with us before I was facing secondary infertility and he just did not happen, his place was with us before we moved countries, his place was with us even when we held our first newborn son while mourning my husband’s … [Read more...]