He was missing. He was missing way before. Way before he became. His place was with us before I was facing secondary infertility and he just did not happen, his place was with us before we moved countries, his place was with us even when we held our first newborn son while mourning my husband’s … [Read more...]
Tonight
Everything of the last weeks has been focused on today.Joining a choir has been one of the most gentle, healing and important choices I have made for myself in the last six months. Every week's practice has been the place to relax, cry, laugh and connect. I sometimes feel like I live my life as an … [Read more...]
Connection
If you are like me, you look for things that you associate with your child. Symbols, objects, anything that closes the gap between here and there just a little.First, I had a painting made. I had a vision of a fun loving boy riding on a shooting star in the sky above me. He was always going to be … [Read more...]
Love Letter
I am a letter writer. From the first letter I wrote to my first pen friend many years ago, I was a letter writer. I wrote countless letters throughout teenage years and continued to do so far in my 20s, exchanging letters with friends, family, teachers, lovers. I feel like everything I wrote since … [Read more...]
His Name
I guess I chose his name at the time he died. Not at the very moment, even though the moment he died plays in my head over and over... my body let me know, I just was not ready to listen, so my body decided to ignore it too... for a while I lived a happy life with a dead baby inside, with all the … [Read more...]