Some days I need to make a balance sheet. Draw a line. Do a recap in order to see where I am and what I have achieved in the last 3,5 years since I have lost my son.It's interesting, how the count starts then. Of course there are things that have been ongoing for a longer period of time, but his … [Read more...]
The Inbetween
He was missing. He was missing way before. Way before he became. His place was with us before I was facing secondary infertility and he just did not happen, his place was with us before we moved countries, his place was with us even when we held our first newborn son while mourning my husband’s … [Read more...]
The Day I Left Him Behind
The memory of that day is still very present for me. The day that I held it together while I was falling apart. The day that has so much meaning, but I wish it did not exist. The day that was so full but left me going home empty handed. That day that started it all, this process, this work, this … [Read more...]
Connection
If you are like me, you look for things that you associate with your child. Symbols, objects, anything that closes the gap between here and there just a little. First, I had a painting made. I had a vision of a fun loving boy riding on a shooting star in the sky above me. He was always going to be … [Read more...]
You Are Me
and I am You. The source of our pain might be different, but our hearts ache. The missing is real, your feelings are real, your pain is real. I hear you, I hear you when you speak and I hear you when you are quiet and within yourself. I see you, I see you pull back when the conversation gets too … [Read more...]