There are so many things that I don’t remember. I don’t remember how it felt before grief took over; how relationships and life in general influenced my emotional and mental state then. Was I always happy and content? Was my mind not as occupied? I honestly don’t remember. It is probably more … [Read more...]
Lesson 9: Healing is Not Betrayal
Healing is Not Betrayal In the beginning, my love for Aubrey and Ellie was reflected in my pain. All you had to do was take one look at my tear-covered face and it was clear how much those little girls meant to me. As I made progress in my healing something strange started to happen; healing … [Read more...]
I Entered This World
His brother was six. He had been asking for a sibling for more years than I could count. That year, I finally got to tell him I was pregnant. On New Year's Eve, we had made a joke about no siblings that year and he had wept. He didn't yet fully realize the year would be over in four hours. I … [Read more...]
Lesson 8: Alcohol Stifles Healing
Alcohol Stifles Healing After Aubrey and Ellie died I felt for the first time the kind of pain that would make someone want to put a needle in their arm. Although I didn't, I certainly found other ways to numb the hurt. One of those ways was to drink. Alcohol is highly effective at stifling pain, … [Read more...]
“Better”
The days are getting longer in the north where I am. Winter filled. Snow, ice, cold. I feel I have been doing better, whatever better means. I take better with some reservation, because every day is still hard and painful. Better is hard making itself comfortable. Hard being the new adopted … [Read more...]
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